


tell me how to be.

by alittlebittookish



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Background Jim, Bones-Centric, Gen, M/M, More freeverse I suppose?, This is kind of poetry, You know what I lied, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:49:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebittookish/pseuds/alittlebittookish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you tell yourself that bravery is the colour of a blue shirt, silver walls and endless, endless black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tell me how to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm not even sure what this is, but I hope you enjoy it.

you are not a brave man -

( _you are afraid of many things: love,_

_space,  transporters, the dying sighs of lungs beneath your fingertips._

_yes, fear has been an intimate friend of yours_

_throughout the years_ )

 but you have often wondered

what it would take to make you one.

 

once you thought perhaps it was the scent of perfume on the air

and the caress of a Georgian breeze that could set your nerve alight

( _at night you try to forget how wrong you were, how very, very wrong_ ).

 

then you wondered if maybe, just maybe it was the tight grip of a tiny hand in yours

( _you don't think you will ever understand how you can be so awfully afraid of something you love so terribly much_ ).

 

 one foolish evening with amber blood and a liquor- laced tongue you promised yourself that bravery was the colour of  a blue shirt, silver walls and endless, endless black. _(you stand outside that metal cage in the ghost-light of early morning, and you realise that you should have known better)._

 

at twenty nine years old you realise there is nothing in the universe that can conquer the terror in your heart and you see the black creep in ever closer - a step for every beat of your heart until each night you believe that the morning will see you smothered.

you tell yourself that starfleet will be the destruction of you.

-

( _you set these secrets free at 4am on a thursday and try to pretend that the starlight in the room is pouring through the window and not from the boy who sets himself on fire every day just to prove that he is brave at heart as well)._

-

 

when you look back, you aren't sure how long the Narada incident was. you can't recall in detail the events that took place, and you can't quite remember how exactly you won.

all you know for definite is what the scent of singed flesh and smoke smells like on your clothes, and the names, the faces. you remember every single one. all you know is the colour that death takes in a silver cage in space.

( _you tell yourself that bravery is overrated, you will never be a brave man_ ).

-

ultimately, you step onto that ship anyway,

silver walls, endless black and a blue shirt.

( _you are afraid of many things and they are all on that ship, all of them, whether you want to admit it or not_ ).

 

you often wondered what it would take to make you a brave man. what you would need to leave behind every fear that cowers in the corners of your mind.

 

somehow, in the end all it took for your lionheart to roar

 was a full bodied laugh, a gaze like a blue moon,

 _'_ _Bones! Buckle up_ "

and a starlight man so scared he was fearless.

 

 

 


End file.
